♥ Eternal Separation

Sunday, August 16, 2009

so very true.
so darn emotional.
so darn suicidal.
COLD BLOODED love.

it's all because of YOU.
i'm afraid to let go.
i'm scared to move on.
i'm thinking of you EVERY moment.
are you still fine? are you happy without me?
are you really happy NOW THAT I'M GONE IN YOUR LIFE?
if you're so happy, why ask me back in the first place?

you're so much better off without me.
i'm so much lonelier without you. you know that.
you have made me completely lost hope in guys or whatsoever.
i'll never trust you again. cause all you said was a white guiltless lie.
you took away my wings. i cried blind for you.
you're all the fucking blood that's running inside my veins,
and you've left me as a living zombie ; x .

don't you feel shameful?
i can be your slave of love. this moment. and in the past.
but not anymore. i'm not feelingless. i have my pride.
i wonder why do i love you so much too.
you're nothing but a prefect. cambodian. guy.
you're just like ANYONE.
why do i love you so deeply and obsessed?
why, why, why; the answers never found me.

left clueless and alone. alone to heal up my deeply inflicted wounds.
physical flesh wounds takes time to heal.
EMOTIONAL WOUNDS TAKES FAITH TO HEAL.
they may not even heal in the end.
thanks alot. thank you, VERY MUCH.
for landing me in this state, for making me love such a bastard.

for the tears that come down every single fucking minute.
for the disbelief i showed towards guys.
for all the fake hugs. kisses. loves. and promises you gave.
the fake memories. it was all just a dream.
to you, it meant totally NOTHING.
but to me, my life depended on that.

do you know you're like just lifting a fish out from a fish tank?
you're my oxygen, you know that. i can't breathe without you.
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO COME BACK EVEN?
i really hate you. but the more i hated you, the more i loved.
and the more i'm unable to let go of.

just as i thought i'm off in another relationship.
just as i thought it's the MOST perfect moment in my life.
just when i thought you were gonna be my EVERYTHING.
you took literally everything away from me.
ripping my heart and soul apart.
you stained my life with your cold blooded murders.

and walked away with a sorry.
do you think that a sorry is what i really want?
you don't know how i feel. because you never wanted to.
YOU JUST WANT TO FUCKING LEAVE ME AND AVOID ME.
because i'm a burden to you.
i'm no longer appealing and fun to you.
you no longer treats me like the Baelia you treated in the past.
you seemed to forget all those memories.
and what happened on the bus.
you forced it. but i was happy.
to you, i'm a toy.

your tongue kisses are lethal poisons.
your hugs are excruciating pierces.
your words to me ended my world.
your love is a fake fairytale.

sorry. if you think that i'm a strong girl.
if you THINK that i can survive without you.
IF you assumed that i'll be alright.
you're wrong.

you should have told me i'm not the girl for you.
but you kept it in silence,
while my life is falling for you,
i had no clues. nothing. i didn't know this feeling had alr went wrong.
so i depended on you. you were my everything.
now that i'm in pain, can you please take it all away?
no. you wouldn't. you're self centered.
to the extent of making me your victim.

although i'm starting to clear my thoughts out.
even though i'm beginning to let go.
i know you aint the one for me.
i know that you will never truly love me.
despite all of this revelations...
this stupid scorpion still continued stinging herself..
you're haunting me...
couple...
i had a wing once.
you took them away and shared yours with mine.
after what which felt like eternity,
you left me all of a sudden without anything.
you gave me NOTHING, and you took my love and pride away just like that.
because of you i'm a bird which can't fly.
i'm an eagle which can't soar.
i'm a fish which no longer swims.

i'm just like a shark.
for your interest and passion,
you cut off my fins just cos you desired them.
and you left me dying in the ocean alone.
hopeless. clueless. lifeless.

i hate you. for causing me so much pain.
don't even bother to say sorry to me,
don't bother when you don't even know what you've done wrong.
don't fucking think that you know me alot.
yes, i understand you. what's never meant to be will never be.

but i really hate you for lying to me.
and making me depend on you.
why give me those that were never real?
you don't fucking know how deep you've hurt me.
you don't fucking know how helpless i felt.
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW BECAUSE YOU AIN'T ME.

i'm not an angel. i'm neither a devil. i do not have magical prowess.
i'm a mortal... earthling...
i have weaknesses... i cry. i bleed.
you are my weakness.
but why must i cry and bleed for you? i'm so stupid.

i realised i have been so foolish all along.
taking my dreams as reality.

i once perceived you as my prince charming.
i thought you could rescue me from my godmother.
but you were an assassinator in disguise...
you brought me to a forest... you killed me repeatedly.
till i was a shadow left from my former self.
you took my heart, threw it into a rubbish bin.
you left totally no clues from this coldhearted murder.
but you forgot to end my heartfelts.
you left me alone in this dreaded rubbish bin.
laying there. breathing as long as i can.
because you know that eventually i'll die.
die from love sickness. because of you.

this fairytale had turned into a cold blooded murder...

i can't bear to. really.. but...

PLEASE...

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vanish from my life...

Baelia has walked away at 4:58 AM