Saturday, August 15, 2009
: i know this looks like drawing on arm. but it's not. its made by my penknives XD :
: any ppl who doubts that this isn't real. meet me out personally bahs(: :
~ dipping penknives into your soft flesh ~
~ creating bloody ridges and carving painstaking love letters ~
~ in remembrance of August 12, the death of my illusions ~
: Play this video and read this post :
: If I were you, there will sure be teardrops on my keyboard :
: So emotional ♥ :
: This was the song that made me fall in love with him :
: By listening to it, all the sweet memories came back :
i would like to sincerely take back my previous post.
for those who hadnt seen it then too bad.
yups. friends(: .
thanks max for the conversation over sms.
you made me feel that i made the right choice letting go.
and yes. i felt really so much better and happier.
at least i know why you stopped loving me(: .
but i must admit the reason was stupid.
ya. i cried. but. aw, it's just puppy love.
i really felt enlightened. cleared of my sins.
as you know, the past week had been a living hell to me.
crying every day and night. slitting and cutting.
carvings of "love sucks", and "fate hurts" on my wrists and arms.
really hurts alot. i got to do it to keep me away from my suicidal thoughts.
and thanks to who were concerned for my safety. ;
weisian: my personal counsellor whom i can confide practically everything to.
weiliang: who gave me hope to quit smoking.
kanghua: my very first love (real okay LOL) whom i can also tell my heartfelts to.
minghui: as my close friend whom was always there for me in times of need.
ziling: as my daddy who gave me a sense of scorpio's pride and encouraged me.
mrs soh: my teacher who counselled me like a real mother
mr chua: my discipline mister who told me not to smoke/cut/slit damn strictly but yet fatherly -.-
to Mrs.Soh, (if you're reading my blog),
DON'T SEND ME TO SEE A SCHOOL COUNSELLOR ):!
i promise ill be okay.. they're just merely flesh wounds..
i've talked to him over sms alr.
i feel seriously lighter, happier and carefree-er.
finally a ton off my heart!
although i still love him and misses him.
but im happy, at least i once have had him in my life (:
thinking back of the slitting and carvings and stabbings,
i must admit that i've been really stupid to had once been a slave of love.
and ill rmbr everything you told me word for word.
"don't find love; let love find you."
you gave me a kind of motherly love you know!
im so envious of your children. really. deep down.
i wished my mother was as intelligent, rational as you.
i wished i had a mum who would talk wisdom and courage into me;
rather than solving everything with violence and threats.
although now i still cries to know that he isn't there anymore,
but its really not as often as earlier.
the reason that he changed his heart. no he didnt, he just stopped loving me.
is because in the first place i left him and hurt him to the extend of,
him being completely dejected in me. hopeless.
so. in the end. it's an eye for an eye.
an arrogant scorpion like me had finally fallen to a catastrophic cancerian.
but it's worth it. a really genuinely-valuable lesson.
it makes me know that karma returns to you for whatever you do.
eventually you've have to learn to let go of what isn't yours.
if you really love him, you must set him free;
if he comes back to you, he would be yours for life,
if he doesnt, he never really was in the first place.
enough love for now. (: self appreciation time.
"sorry my dear arm and wrist. i love you. sorry for hurting you badly and rupturing the blood vessels."
"forgive me by healing faster okay? loves. sayang sayang. XD"
MRS SOH! ill learn TOA CAH SOH by hard and stop slitting myself T>T!
just don't send me go counsellorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
i don't care got police anot. you send me there i slit. XD!
-
for those who wanted to know what happened.
the guy i practically loved alot (guy A) died.
engulfed by grief and despair, lived my life in total darkness.
till that day i met max. i could tell that hes different.
but due to my conservatism and disbelief, or distrust,
i found it impossible to love him truly and i forced myself to love max.
after a few months as fate would have its jaws clamped down,
we broke. i initiated the break up.
but as time passes, i feel that i continued to be drawn towards him.
and the attraction is far stronger. so. yes. fell in love.
on sunday, he came to find me. and we went out with weisian.
we sat by a river, and kept really quiet.
i took secret glances at him. admiring. falling in love topsy turvy.
but neither did i know that he no longer feels the same.
its dejavu. like how i did in the first place.
although he knew it himself that he doesnt love me anymore,
he still came back to me. in a vain attempt to rekindle this love.
but rendered as it is, as fate always will be,
he broke up this time. he initiated the break up,
left me shattered to pieces and wondering why.
initially i thought it was because that im a smoker.
but no, it's just that the feeling has dampen the period after i broke.
i know, at least he tried to love me. with gratitude really.
though it didn't work out, im still thankful for accepting me as who i am.
and im glad that me and him are still friends.
the only two life saving proverbs that came to my mind after this mentally excruciating incident are;
"if you want to see the rainbow, you must go through the rain;
if you want to withhold true love, you must experience the pain."
"some people will only cherish when they know that they're about to lose something they don't want to;
and the worst scenario is that, they may only regret it after it is gone in eternity."
the second one totally described me.
this fateful scorpion [me] was finally "subdued" by this cancerian [max].
but im seriously happy that i did.
i learnt priceless lessons that i would never have if it wasn't for this.
yes. i regretted. cried. slitted. stabbed. carved. hurt.
yes. i learnt. laughed. joked. awoke. repent. smiled.
you see the difference now? and yeah. the last saying speaks:
"It's sad when people you know become people you knew.
When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.
How you used to be able to talk to for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them..."
so, my friends, cherish while you still have the chance to.
treasure when you're still within their hearts.
be grateful when heaven sends a revelation to you to end your everlasting misery.
do not be like me.
the arrogant and self-centered girl.
who threw a rare diamond into the sea.
who tried finding it back.
who found it back and kept it by her side.
who treasured it, but sadly was already too late.
who was judged by karma unworthy of it.
who lost to fate which returned the diamond back to the sea.
Baelia has walked away at 6:01 AM
: i know this looks like drawing on arm. but it's not. its made by my penknives XD :: any ppl who doubts that this isn't real. meet me out personally bahs(: :
~ dipping penknives into your soft flesh ~
~ creating bloody ridges and carving painstaking love letters ~
~ in remembrance of August 12, the death of my illusions ~
: Play this video and read this post :
: If I were you, there will sure be teardrops on my keyboard :
: So emotional ♥ :
: This was the song that made me fall in love with him :
: By listening to it, all the sweet memories came back :
i would like to sincerely take back my previous post.
for those who hadnt seen it then too bad.
yups. friends(: .
thanks max for the conversation over sms.
you made me feel that i made the right choice letting go.
and yes. i felt really so much better and happier.
at least i know why you stopped loving me(: .
but i must admit the reason was stupid.
ya. i cried. but. aw, it's just puppy love.
i really felt enlightened. cleared of my sins.
as you know, the past week had been a living hell to me.
crying every day and night. slitting and cutting.
carvings of "love sucks", and "fate hurts" on my wrists and arms.
really hurts alot. i got to do it to keep me away from my suicidal thoughts.
and thanks to who were concerned for my safety. ;
weisian: my personal counsellor whom i can confide practically everything to.
weiliang: who gave me hope to quit smoking.
kanghua: my very first love (real okay LOL) whom i can also tell my heartfelts to.
minghui: as my close friend whom was always there for me in times of need.
ziling: as my daddy who gave me a sense of scorpio's pride and encouraged me.
mrs soh: my teacher who counselled me like a real mother
mr chua: my discipline mister who told me not to smoke/cut/slit damn strictly but yet fatherly -.-
to Mrs.Soh, (if you're reading my blog),
DON'T SEND ME TO SEE A SCHOOL COUNSELLOR ):!
i promise ill be okay.. they're just merely flesh wounds..
i've talked to him over sms alr.
i feel seriously lighter, happier and carefree-er.
finally a ton off my heart!
although i still love him and misses him.
but im happy, at least i once have had him in my life (:
thinking back of the slitting and carvings and stabbings,
i must admit that i've been really stupid to had once been a slave of love.
and ill rmbr everything you told me word for word.
"don't find love; let love find you."
you gave me a kind of motherly love you know!
im so envious of your children. really. deep down.
i wished my mother was as intelligent, rational as you.
i wished i had a mum who would talk wisdom and courage into me;
rather than solving everything with violence and threats.
although now i still cries to know that he isn't there anymore,
but its really not as often as earlier.
the reason that he changed his heart. no he didnt, he just stopped loving me.
is because in the first place i left him and hurt him to the extend of,
him being completely dejected in me. hopeless.
so. in the end. it's an eye for an eye.
an arrogant scorpion like me had finally fallen to a catastrophic cancerian.
but it's worth it. a really genuinely-valuable lesson.
it makes me know that karma returns to you for whatever you do.
eventually you've have to learn to let go of what isn't yours.
if you really love him, you must set him free;
if he comes back to you, he would be yours for life,
if he doesnt, he never really was in the first place.
enough love for now. (: self appreciation time.
"sorry my dear arm and wrist. i love you. sorry for hurting you badly and rupturing the blood vessels."
"forgive me by healing faster okay? loves. sayang sayang. XD"
MRS SOH! ill learn TOA CAH SOH by hard and stop slitting myself T>T!
just don't send me go counsellorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
i don't care got police anot. you send me there i slit. XD!
-
for those who wanted to know what happened.
the guy i practically loved alot (guy A) died.
engulfed by grief and despair, lived my life in total darkness.
till that day i met max. i could tell that hes different.
but due to my conservatism and disbelief, or distrust,
i found it impossible to love him truly and i forced myself to love max.
after a few months as fate would have its jaws clamped down,
we broke. i initiated the break up.
but as time passes, i feel that i continued to be drawn towards him.
and the attraction is far stronger. so. yes. fell in love.
on sunday, he came to find me. and we went out with weisian.
we sat by a river, and kept really quiet.
i took secret glances at him. admiring. falling in love topsy turvy.
but neither did i know that he no longer feels the same.
its dejavu. like how i did in the first place.
although he knew it himself that he doesnt love me anymore,
he still came back to me. in a vain attempt to rekindle this love.
but rendered as it is, as fate always will be,
he broke up this time. he initiated the break up,
left me shattered to pieces and wondering why.
initially i thought it was because that im a smoker.
but no, it's just that the feeling has dampen the period after i broke.
i know, at least he tried to love me. with gratitude really.
though it didn't work out, im still thankful for accepting me as who i am.
and im glad that me and him are still friends.
the only two life saving proverbs that came to my mind after this mentally excruciating incident are;
"if you want to see the rainbow, you must go through the rain;
if you want to withhold true love, you must experience the pain."
"some people will only cherish when they know that they're about to lose something they don't want to;
and the worst scenario is that, they may only regret it after it is gone in eternity."
the second one totally described me.
this fateful scorpion [me] was finally "subdued" by this cancerian [max].
but im seriously happy that i did.
i learnt priceless lessons that i would never have if it wasn't for this.
yes. i regretted. cried. slitted. stabbed. carved. hurt.
yes. i learnt. laughed. joked. awoke. repent. smiled.
you see the difference now? and yeah. the last saying speaks:
"It's sad when people you know become people you knew.
When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life.
How you used to be able to talk to for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them..."
so, my friends, cherish while you still have the chance to.
treasure when you're still within their hearts.
be grateful when heaven sends a revelation to you to end your everlasting misery.
do not be like me.
the arrogant and self-centered girl.
who threw a rare diamond into the sea.
who tried finding it back.
who found it back and kept it by her side.
who treasured it, but sadly was already too late.
who was judged by karma unworthy of it.
who lost to fate which returned the diamond back to the sea.
Baelia has walked away at 6:01 AM
